I realized today, as I slid out of my head into the present moment, that I had forgotten it. I thought of my baby Grandson and his natural mindfulness. Babies are natural Buddhas. I was a Buddha Baby once. Now, decades later, I'm working to get back to that mind set!!
The day my Grandbaby was born, nine months ago, I watched him be Present. Birth from the watery bowl of the womb to the weighted pull of gravity was a shock for him. Every occurrence was HUGE for him. His body literally writhed with the appearance of something else - a burp, a poop, a sound, a light. It was intriguing to watch him discover life on planet Earth.
He was very focused on what was going on with his body. He was not worrying about his future. He was simply there, in the moment, being a baby. As I looked into his new dark eyes, I wondered if he had come from somewhere else, if he had been tall once or if he once had wings and, if he did, did he remember? I wondered if that was a reference point to all of this new stuff.
He was uncomfortable. That was apparent. Physicality was heavy and active for him. He was very keyed in to the workings of his organs, especially the newly functioning digestive system. Being touched and held was new. Seeing bright lights was new. Hearing was loud and new. Breathing was new. He was caught in a plethora of sensation. That was all he knew - being new!!
I, on the other hand, was all up in my head. This was my first Grandbaby. I was awash with emotions, awe, wonder, sadness, joy. This was a next generation - I saw all my relatives in his face - especially my husband, Joshua, who had died too young 20 years before. I wanted Josh to see.him. Hold him. I was remembering when the nurse handed Josh his own crying newborn; how he said, "Hey Baby" and the crying baby stopped crying immediately. Josh would be just as enamored with his Grandbaby. It was something we needed to share, like so many things that had occurred over the years. But this child was his first Grandbaby!
So I was not in the now, yet I was very much in the now - literally two places at once!! Sadness and Joy, Present and Past all jumbled up in my heart and head.
Emotions, more than anything, are what tend to throw us out of the Now experience. Primarily because we run from the emotions. We have dubbed some emotions as unacceptable. We fight them when they appear. We do the Denial or Repression or Avoidance dance.
We have categorized certain feelings, such as anger, sadness and fear, as negative. We have decided that Serenity means being in passive peace all the time - Is it? Feelings of all sorts are part of our make up. They are beautiful. They help us function, just as blood and oxygen and muscles moving make us function. They are part and parcel of who we are.
Without them, we would be psychopathic - then we'd really have a problem as a society!!
Watching my Grandbaby, I could see that his NOW experience included feelings. He was uncomfortable. Maybe even unhappy, may be even upset!!! He was fully in those feelings. When his mommy tried to nurse him, he was unhappy, then angry!! The brand new baby was not happy with the physical experience.and he let us know. He squealed like a piglet.
It was grand!
Being Present does not mean being dull or passive or unemotional or, even worse, only peaceful..... It means being here in all the happenings and feelings of the moment - without editing!! Without self-negation or self-criticism. It means being human in all its glorious and not-so-glorious trappings.
We have that ability. We used it when we were born and on into childhood where it slowly waned under the onslaught of adult opinion. When our adult companions told us to not cry or shamed us or failed us in some way, we began the cycling of self-editing. We refrained from being our selves, we curbed our authenticity.
Now, well-edited and bent into all kinds of forms of me, I am working to get back to that Place of Being, just being, in the moment, aware of everything, feeling my feelings, living fully and staying there. Aware, awake and very much alive!
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